ramblings

if you're reading this it actually made it out of my drafts

Currently - not in the business of doing things for free. Things change when your whole life purpose has shifted to (happily) serving another. My side hobbies, interests, ideas… if I make the time for them, are going to be worth my while from this point on and I’m going to milk them for all they’ve got, yes that means they may even start paying me. Time, energy and mental capacity are limited these days, my hands, boobs and half my brain are completely occupied and that’s that.

Hence, the paywall that is to follow.

What are the craziest things you’re asking for this year? I’ll wait.

On a phone call last week with my let’s say spiritual advisor/therapist/energy healer, she reminded me that God is both the beginning and the end. As in, the things/ideas he plants in your heart are by perfect design, and He would not place them there if He didn’t plan to see them through.

Everything you desire, God wants for you too. So this is a reminder, mostly for me, to dream the big dreams, to not be afraid to ask for what may seem outlandishly out of reach. They came to you for a reason and God and the Universe will conspire together to make them happen AND you don’t have to lift a finger. Psalm 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God”. Try it out.

Step one, put yourself out there with your big asks.

Step two, put all your faith in something bigger than you, knowing it’s being divinely taken care of and simply being okay with not knowing “how”.

On another note, I’ve started writing substack drafts one handed in my notes app. An Olympic sport while feeding a newborn, journaling, drinking my raw milk latte and mentally preparing to tackle the day as a stay at home mother. My dream job.

But there’s more. There’s more to my life and future than the space between both ends of the sofa, or, the confines of my living room. Although, everything in front of me truly is enough, I can’t help but crave even more of what life, what this Earthly existence has to offer. So I’m taking these God-given ideas and running with them.

So yeah, I’m beginning to charge a small sum of money for my writing. The price of a coffee once a month. Maybe you’re drinking said coffee whilst reading (I’d like that very much). This in turn makes this a reciprocal relationship between you and me. Look at it as a monthly devotion and a loving support system for me to be all in and give this platform the time and energy it deserves. Time that I genuinely want to be able to give it.

This truly allows me a safe space to be raw and vulnerable, but also — a roundup of dreams, ideas, links, monthly favorites, motherhood/postpartum etc. all while going deep and leaning into my unwavering faith in the process.

Below you’ll find the first of what’s to come 彡

A few “ins” for me currently (and maybe you too)

I cut bangs…

Our recent California trip / loose itinerary with a 3 month old

Plus, my newest banana bread recipe :)

Strong boundaries around my phone and mindlessly scrolling. I’ve started deleting instagram for days at a time (or even just for the evening) and it feels oddly easy. Having a newborn that needs me day and night has really soaked up any extra time I would take to mindlessly open the app. Plus, I want to be as intentional and present as possible. Especially while breastfeeding, it can be easy to feel yourself drifting to other distractions but I just want it to be time between him and me. I’ve started to replace my doom scrolling with good ole pencil to paper sudoku (lol)

Getting and staying tan… Salty face tanner for the face and body - I’ve been offensively white this winter and I’m not having it. And good news, sunshine is free.

Getting back into my pilates grind postpartum. My core is sore for the first time in months and it feels oh so good. No excuses this year. I’ve stuck with MWH religiously for the last few years and I love her. I’ve also been making my way around the local reformer pilates studios and I’m sold. Plus it gets me out of the house and trying something new. We love a mental/physical win. And because pilates drop in classes may sooner put me in debt faster than my American Express, I’ve been utilizing class pass and I have no idea why I’ve been sleeping on it for so long. I’m going to put my link here and you can try a whole month for free. All my favorite studios are on here, it’s amazing and a steal of a deal in my opinion.

Leaning towards intuition when it comes to motherhood. I don’t think I’ve googled a single thing since becoming a mother. i.e “is it okay that my baby has (fill in the blank)”. Trust your gut mamas, it’s so much easier on the nervous system.

Garden planning right now. I’ve got spring blooms on my mind! I hope to share more in this realm this year.

And lastly, praying, all day everyday.

California dreaminggg -

Wow, a must needed trip was had. We were enjoying so much we extended day after day before we had to finally drive home. In hindsight I’m not entirely sure how we made it so smoothly with bebe in the backseat but we did. We left Friday night after work/class/packing up the tacoma etc. Driving all night does not scare Drake in the slightest, happy for him, but the sleep in the passenger seat was pretty much non-existent for me regardless. Foster slept long stretches and we would do a gas station stop every few hours to feed, change the diaper, and fuel up. Our first stop the following morning was Pyramid Lake in Nevada. Drake’s fishing kingdom. I hung out with Foster, service-less, and breastfeeding in the front seat while Drake fished for a few hours. It was cold but the sun was out and I let myself soak up as much as I could. After hour 3 I was feeling the overstimulation of being cooped up in the truck with the baby and the sleepless night creeping up on me. (I don’t do well without my sleep, ok) and with the lack of service I couldn’t call Drake to come back to the truck so I had to sit with my frustration of being over-tired and needing to pee. I took it out on him with a little mental breakdown, tears included, when he finally came back lollll.

Onwards we went to Yosemite - Drake and Foster’s first time! We arrived to a tiny mining town right outside the park at sundown and found a place to grab dinner. Pizza and wine after a long trek was medicine. The planner that I am - I previously took it upon myself to look up blm land around Yosemite to rest our tired heads for the night. Drake has never and will never pay to camp whether it’s legal or not where he chooses to park. This time of year is so quiet for the park so we easily found a little zone up a winding road with a firepit ready to go. The three of us slept in the roof tent in our queen size sleeping bag (one of our best purchases to date). Drake got up early with the sun and as Drake does, made a fire out of very wet wood, he’s a magician. I didn’t sleep well that first night, but I’ll have that night archived in my memories forever. The boys first trip to Yosemite and Foster’s first night camping, snuggled between us in his fuzzy bear suit. I have polaroids to remember it. God I love him so much!

Into the park we went, quiet roads, empty parking lots, incredible. We parked and walked to the village cafe to grab coffee and sat at a picnic table taking it all in. With a baby comes a relaxed schedule, we’re on his time and luckily he is the most chill baby, we’re so blessed with his whole demeanor, truly. We took a long walk around the meadow, taking boardwalks, photos, seeing wild animals within a few feet of us, taking in the views and the drastic granite walls surrounding us. Foster slept in the artipoppe carrier on my chest the whole time like the angel he is. We loitered in the village the rest of the afternoon, breastfeeding, pumping, and doing all the motherly things you do on a roadtrip. Drake fed him while sipping a beer in the sun on a park bench and everything was right in the world haha. Closer to sunset we drove up to tunnel view to get the full panoramic view of what Yosemite really has to offer. My heart was full! We got dinner right outside the other park entrance, sitting at bar with the baby (we’re obviously not in Utah anymore) and having a conversation with the most interesting bartender (aren’t they all?). When leaving, she told us to have a good life, knowing she very well would never see us again, and I thought that was sweet, it’s really stuck with me.

We slept one more night at our hidden camp spot, one more morning fire, and we were off to the northern coast to towns no one has ever heard of. Drake’s got his eye on catching steelhead and we were on a mission to find them.

Our first stop up north, per my request was the Sea Ranch Lodge. We got dinner here and it was one of the most stunning hotels and restaurants we’ve ever been to. Panoramic windows to the sun setting over the ocean, a big deck, good aesthetics, tasty farm fresh food, and a free drink for muah. I was in heaven here and I can’t wait to go back.

To be continued with the remainder of our 12 day trip. Baby is wiggling and my coffee cup is empty. Be back next week.

Here it is, my one bowl banana bread recipe from heaven —

Recipe

3/4 cup brown sugar

½ cup olive oil

2 eggs

1 cup (227 g) mashed ripe bananas, about 3 ripe bananas

½ cup sour cream

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 ½ cup (213 g) all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Grease a 9x5 loaf pan

Mix all wet ingredients first and then add in dry. Mix to combine. Spread batter out evenly in loaf pan and bake for 50-60 mins. Every oven is different but I’ve found with using a dark glass loaf pan 58 mins is perfect.

Remove from oven and let cool for a few mins before turning out on a wire rack to cool completely. Enjoy warm with quality butter on top.

Pro tip: do the thing and bring the postpartum mamas in your life a home cooked meal and fresh flowers. It means more than you know. (big big thank you to all those who have for me in this season)

Oh, and cut the bangs.

Love you xx

Stella